now i’m not a bible bashing, christian hating, sinful atheist that doesn’t lead his life by the “golden rule”. i actually dished out over $50k to attend one of the most prestigious christian institutions of this day an age and was raised in a christian household. “now i lay me down to sleep - I give the lord my soul to keep”. i just can’t put my head in the sand and leave my life to blind faith. especially when it’s so contradictory.
after the years of spoon fed right-winged theology and arguments that always end in “it says so right in the Bible”, i’ve decided to step out from behind the alter, drop my drawers and highlight the epitome of holiness…. as in full of complete holes. now i won’t waste your time referencing passages and tones from the old testament and how they contradict the new testatment. if you want that type of amo - please reference jim merritt’s list of bible contraditions. i’m hear to talk bigger than that. more high level and all encompassing. not just the words but the overall feeling of the bible. the dance.
the underlying essence of christianity is that you have to accept jesus christ as your lord and savior in order to get into heaven. now before I get started let me just say this. i believe that jesus christ walked the earth. i believe that he was god in human manifestation. yes - i believe he was the greatest person, soul, human entity to ever take up space on this planet. but i don’t see him as christians do. i don’t separate him from you and me. he doesn’t want us to praise him, he wants us to partner with him on our journey. he doesn’t want to be worshipped - he wants to be befriended, loved, and respected. no more, less. just like you and me.
with that being said - here we go. christianity will tell you that if you accept jesus christ as your lord and savior and ask for forgiveness of your sins, and truly mean it, that you will be forgiven and welcome to the kingdom of heaven. that every person alive has this opportunity to make this choice. that everyone was given the gift of life from the one and only god - who gave his only son to die for our sins. that we all have the opportunity to ask god for our forgiveness and we will all be rewarded by our truly compassionate maker. i would say that this point isn’t questioned in the institution of christianity. would you?
wait - i’m getting there.
revelations - which is the bible’s interpretation of the end of the world, states that at the time of the rapture - not all people will be taken to heaven. that some will be left to serve eternity in hell. completely separated from god forever.
now this distinction between those that will go to heaven and those that won’t is what i believe makes people go to church on sundays. most don’t truly believe in the ways of christianity enough to sacrifice their selfish ways and follow the word of the gospel. but they find nobility in admitting that they are not perfect, that the bible says they are not perfect, and feel comfort in knowing that they can slack on their follow through and still look better than the next guy that isn’t sitting in a pew on sunday - and therefore going to hell.
well - here’s the big argument. if the bible is 100% correct then it has to be 100% correct in all forms. under all situations - all possibilities. so if christianity gives us all the choice to ask for forgiveness and enter the kingdom of heaven, than under that absolute scenario, it is possible for all of us, and i mean all of us, to become elightened and choose to ask for forgiveness and enter the kingdom of heaven. surely this is what a truly loving god would want - for 100% of his children to enter heaven. for all of us to sit next to him for eternity. but if that absolute were to come true, if all of us asked for forgiveness and entered the kingdom of heaven - then revelations couldn’t be correct as it states all of us will not enter heaven.
christianity in it’s purest form states that we all have the choice, that we can all get to heaven. yet if the bible is 100% correct - it demands that a substantial portion of don't make the right choice.
we've all got our thing... some people play poker with an orange at the table (johnny chan), some wear an old pair of college shorts under their uniform (michael jordan), and it appears 76% of us like to make sure our genitalia isn't sporting side burns to the big dance. yes - i'm talking about trimming your pubic hair. now i've got to admit, i take care of myself regularly and i've always felt a little gay about, that is up until now. manscaping is a little metro - i mean, do bruce willis and dale earnhardt take to trimming the hedges around their twig and berries before a big night, ... if this data is right - it appears as if atleast one of them do. and since this pollQ isn't limited to just males - this just confirms what already expect out of our ladies ..and those that don't will forever be the "buckwheat" of all our locker room jokes.
well i guess i'm not the only derelict that as a child used a piece of furniture to help me get my rocks off. in the latest poll question on elephantQ.com, 61% of users (as of 4/9/2008) had a one time or another used either a piece of furniture or home appliance to aid them in flushing their loins. i guess that gives new meaning to the word lazy boy...